15 seconds of fame?

[warren mason]

Before I get to the thrust of my point I feel I must give some background to the somewhat foolish & potentially embarrassing position I find myself in.

One night last week I received an email from Sleepmonsters.com headed "ITV needs Adventure Racers" (I'm not a prolific adventure racer but I've done 5 or 6 and I actually fluked a win in one of the Dark & White races earlier this year). Anyway the email was actually a forwarded plea from ITV to find a "single, male, fitness fanatic " for a reality TV dating show.

In a moment of weakness I applied and 2 telephone interviews & a 'screen test' later they've ended up choosing me to appear on the show. Basically they set up a 4 day date where they will pair me up with an attractive (their words not mine) single girl who has a completely different lifestyle to me. She spends 2 days with me, doing the stuff I like doing and I spend 2 days with her living her kind of lifestyle. The idea is to experience a different way of living and then see if romance blooms!!

Anyway and I'll now cut to the chase. In advance of the 'date' ITV want to film me doing the kind of activities I do in my 'natural habitat'. As such I've suggested they come along to film one of our Wednesday night runs and they think it's a great idea. So I was hoping a few (or all) of you would be interested in allowing them to film us at next weeks Wednesday night run from The Ship Inn at Wincle.

The programme is not a fly-on-the wall documentary kind of thing so the shots will be set up and may need a couple of takes (if we don't look photogenic enough!) which may actually get in the way of the evenings run. It may mean a few of us going down a bit earlier to do the filming bit before the real run.

I do apologise if this will spoil the evening for anybody but the main reason I'm doing the show is that I think it will be loads of fun and I'm hoping you will see it in the same way.

Hope to see you all looking fit and athletic next Wednesday

Warren

[Mr Turnip]

Ohhh Mr Warren, are ye sure ye ken what your letting yourself in for?
As a gnarled old turnip and one who is I might say, not unfamiliar with the ways of these media touchy feely people - I would counsel Caution!!
They inveigle, aye inveigle you into their web of intrigue where they take you off into a land of fantasy. But they are only after one thing - your BODY!!! IF you are determined to take this path into perfidy then - on your own head be it. A wee bit of advice (no, I know you didn't ask for any but ... ) whatever you do, don't wear lyrca in any form whatsoever - it always turns these media types doolally - and that can only lead to well, what can I say ... disaster!!!!!!!!

[Beneficial Dictator]

Warren did tell me about this yesterday & asked me not to laugh too loud. More details of filming requirements will probably become available early next week but if you want to be an "extra" in the background this will probably mean you will need to be out early for Wednesday nights run ( since the light is now disapearing fast & dark evenings are upon us for the later part of our run ). Also so we look half serious athletes it would be good if you would wear your club running vest. This has all been cleared with the Club Committee. TV stars or what !.

[BARRY BLYTH]

I booked an appointment to get my toe nails clipped and my nose hair trimmed!

[thebunyans]

Brilliant.

Are we taking bookings for next wednesday - might get more than the usual 25-30 odd turn up!

Ought to let the Ship know too....

[Welsh Harrier (MC)]

I've got a Harriers running hat - maroon and silver - is it worthwhile me coming over from Wales?

[Colin Ardron]

Barry says: "I booked an appointment to get my toe nails clipped and my nose hair trimmed!"

Or in the case of some members this would be the other way round. Also:

- rumour has it that certain members of the fell running fraternity who haven't been seen out on a Weds. night for years have been practicing their twirls and flounces and mincing technique in an old barn somewhere near Sutton Common.

- an image consultant has been retained by the club (with the full knowledge of the committee) and will be on hand to offer tips re. personal grooming and how to get the best out of your holey old shorts. Warren, do take this seriously. Don't skimp on your appearance.

- mr Ireland is set to come out of his retirement home (somewhere in the Czech Republic) so that he can bare his a*!e to the world one more time.
The police have been informed.

The main thing is to enjoy it and have fun. Warren, I'm quite envious actually.

[Andy Skelhorn]

Do golden retrievers have to wear club running vests too, or can they get away with flashing yellow vests.

[Justin Gutmann]

Better get out the Lycra then. Ironic that we are running from Wincle!

Justin

PS I abhor the way our society is becoming fixated with celebrity but try and stop me turning up on Wednesday!

[mudskimmer]

I will not be wearing my club vest, this is not a club run or a race.......and more importantly it does nothing for my complexion.

Warren - I hope you are taking this seriously and anticipating what you are going to be subjected to for 2 whole days with this beautiful woman. It would be a shame to show yourself up as a complete novice when it comes to the finer aspects of knitting, brass rubbing, flower arranging and/or chess.........I've seen this programme before.
I think you need to devise yourself a personal training programme so that you don't let yourself down in full view of the millions that will be watching (and hoping you will).

Apart from running, your chums have a whole range of expertise that they can pass on to you:
Growing root vegetables - Mr Turnip
Pruning hedges and bushes - Greg the Gardener
Drawing buildings and all the inside bits - Craig
Rally driving - or just driving like a maniac - Tucker
Bridge - Barry
Ballroom dancing - Barry
Photography - various
Tea and cake making - and consuming - Julian
Sheep rearing - Welsh Harrier and Colin
Darning and tapestry - Alan I
Rowing - Mandy
First aid - Janet, Angela
Gambling on the stock exchange - the 'Shares club'
Ironing - Kath, Nancy, Janet, Julie etc etc
....and shopping for shoes !! - as above

Just let us know, we are only to willing to help......unfortunately for you.

PS: A friend of mine was on Blind Date a few years ago and had a great time - mainly as he didn't get picked.

[thebunyans]

Ironing - Kath, Nancy, Janet, Julie etc etc

You have to be kidding. Nancy doesn't know one end of an iron from the other. She's american. As for sewing....

[Mr Turnip]

Turnip lovers will be pleased to note that club vests are not obligatory but you must come dressed as a turnip. The committee hasn't cleared this so expect to be marched off into some obscure corner of a muddy field whilst the cameras are rolling. Oh and by the way the forecast is for gales and torrential rain.


"turnip laughter" (no emoticon can due justice to this since it involves such facial contortions as would cause nervous people to faint clean away)

[warren mason]

Nice to see you all taking this very seriously! I do appreciate the tips on lycra and taking ballroom dancing lessons, but I think my ability to learn new skills at this late stage is very limited.

Anyway, having warned ITV of the likelihood of darkness interfering with the photographical logistics of filming the run, they now think it preferable to try and film the run earlier than our allotted 7pm start. Now I don't want to disturb what is a probably centuries old tradition but I would appreciate it (and so would the telly people) if a few of us could make it down for a 5.00pm 'shoot' (that's telly talk for filming for those non-media types amongst us!!). I think it will be fairly staged and there could be lots of standing around while they do Barry's make-up but it could be good fun.

They do want to film us in the pub afterwards and they are contacting The Ship to get their permission. So limiting our dancing on the tables might be a good idea - at least 'til they've gone.

They do like the idea of club running vests so if some could bring them along we might be able to look vaguely athletic after all!!

Right better to get back to my singing lessons - I'm dreading being coupled with an overweight, couch potato from the east end of london who loves karaoke!

[thebunyans]

5pm? You only get retired old folks, part time workers and Astra Zeneca people at that time.

They must get some film of Harriers running with headtorches across the hills in the dark. That will show this poor girl what you get up to. Perhaps they could film us on the Roaches if they park at Roach End?...

[Mr Turnip]

O how I'm enjoying this! Not since Macclesfield Harriers were interviewed by GMR in 1988 at the end of the club fell handicap has there been such excitement. And not a committee member in sight either. World leaders and soccer players stopped what they were doing to listen to wise words from the likes of Jim Kelly Pete Nolan and my friend and confidante Monsieur Ardron himself. Aye those were the days when a man could confidently wear his shorts on the outside of his tights without being labelled as a TV type, (television you twerp).
5 00 pm now is it? Well I'm sure I could round up some suitably rustic types to fulfil the role of village idiots. Mind in their day these old gimmers could show a clean pair of heels to anyone currently turning out on a Weds night! But that's another story - maybe one deserving a TV programme in itself.